Founded on Fear Read online

  Last Saturday when confessions were being heard, all the boys wanted to make their confession to Fr Donlon, and no one would go to Fr Diskan the P.P. because he always shouts at the boys, when they confess to having stolen anything. What they usually steal is potatoes from the garden at the back of the laundry, and what makes the P.P. angry is that most boys confess the same sin. Another reason why we don’t like to confess to Fr. Diskan is because he is getting old and is a little deaf so that we have to shout and everyone hears what we are saying.

  We have four treadle sewing machines in the tailor’s shop but only two work fairly well. One is almost new, it is a light dressmaker’s machine, which will not take the heavy furze material from which the boys’ jackets are made. So that there is only one machine available for this work, and there are often six of us waiting for the machine, as a result we are behind with the work. When Saturday comes, Brother Fahy sends for the tailors and beats them for not being able to make the required number. I am not amongst those beaten because I have not yet started to make jackets.

  It’s now almost Christmas. The catechism examination is over. The priest who examined us was very hard. He asked us many very difficult questions with the result that about a third of our class failed. He told Brother Conway ‘that he was not satisfied’ and added that ‘what we required was a good spanking’.

  Brother Vale now always takes charge of the Saturday night baths. It’s very much colder now, and we have to wait for almost an hour on the stairs before going into the bathroom. We get undressed in the dormitory. We enter the baths about thirty at a time. And as we go past Brother Vale, who is standing at the door, he beats us with the rubber, he doesn’t hit everyone, it just depends how quick we can get past him. We now stand in the foot baths, fifteen each side. The shower is now turned on and the water is very hot, so the children jump out of the bath, and as they do, they are beaten on the backside. The more they cry and shout the more Vale beats them. I did not jump from the bath, because one of the older lads explained to me that, by standing very close to the wall, most of the water would miss me.

  I had an awful experience a few weeks before. The water was very cold and when I ran from the bath, he hit me several blows on the back and head, and as the floor was slippy with the soapy water I fell down and was beaten on the floor. I was terrified of being beaten naked. When we had finished our bath, Vale would give us the signal to return to our dormitory. The signal was, he would hit the door with the rubber. When this happened we would all run for the door because the last few would be beaten as they climbed the stairs. On that particular night I had fallen. I hurt my leg and was unable to run. Vale hit me many times going up the stairs. I did not sleep when I went to bed but lay trembling most of the night. I was assisted to the infirmary next day.

  It was now Christmas Eve and the nurse told me I could go back to the school. Each time I left the infirmary it became more difficult, yet I wanted to spend Christmas with my brothers. We had a fine Christmas. We each got the woollen gloves and a rubber ball, as well as sweets and a homemade cake. The breakfast was quite good. We had fried bacon and black pudding. There was plenty of sweet tea and there was extra bread if required. Vale did not carry the rubber on Christmas day. The impression was always visible under the shoulder of his jacket.

  The dinner was even better than last year. There was roast pork, goose or duck, with green peas followed by plum pudding. After dinner there was several raffles for chocolates or sweets. At Christmas time some of the boys became ill because they ate too much. In the afternoon it began to rain although the morning was fine and sunny. We played games in the school rooms until supper at seven o’clock.

  After supper the superior Brother Keegan showed a film of Charles Chaplin. It was the first picture I had seen. It was shown in number two schoolroom, or the one normally used by third and fourth standards. The machine, or projector I think it was called, broke down many times. And new bulbs had to be found. But finally Brother Keegan had to abandon further attempts, as there were no more bulbs left. So after spending half an hour or so looking at the stuffed animals and birds in glass cases, we said the Rosary and went to bed.

  We usually went to bed about eight thirty p.m. but on Christmas night there was no rules and no discipline. The Christian Brothers would come round with funny masks on their faces and play games. The masters who lived in the school also took part, so that there was a lovely atmosphere of kindness and friendship. Life was really worth living at this time of year. Almost every Brother spent several hours with the lads at Christmas. I never heard an unkind word during this festive season. Almost every one of the Brothers were now sitting on our beds telling stories, laughing and joking, and giving us sweets. It seemed difficult to believe that only a few days ago I was lying in the infirmary suffering from the effects of a number of severe beatings. I had not understood why this happened, nor was there any reason given.

  Today I spend a lot of time with several older boys, McGrath the shoemaker, Stapleton who worked in the kitchen, and big Downes, and ‘Bullock’ Fanning, who is now over seventeen and he has had at least two jobs, but has been sent back to the school because he is no good at his work. Stapleton and Downes stammer a lot. That is probably why they have spent several years in first class. Two years ago Brother Walsh used to stand behind Downes and beat him whilst he tried to read English. This was done, I am told, to try and cure his stammer. McGrath is due to leave the school shortly. He has come on fairly well at school, and is a good shoemaker. His brother is the electrician. The McGrath brothers are very good to the younger children and often stop them being bullied by older fellows.

  7

  Fourth Year

  The Christmas feeling lasted until the New Year. New Year’s day was also celebrated but to a smaller degree. We got what was left over from Christmas, for breakfast there was boiled egg, bread and margarine, and jam and tea. For dinner we had roast beef, roast potatoes, peas and Christmas pudding. Brother Vale was a good cook on such occasions, and would stay up half the night before to prepare a meal. For evening meal we got bread, margarine, marmalade and cake. When supper was over the senior boys played at whist drive, whilst the younger lads played in the school rooms. Brother Keegan promised to show a picture once a month provided the boys behaved themselves. He said he was to go to Dublin soon and would buy films of cowboys and Indians, and Charlie Chaplin’s latest film.

  The Christmas spirit soon died away when we returned to school. Our own teacher Brother Conway was quiet enough and so was the Irish teacher McLoughlin. But the lads in fifth and sixth classes were having a difficult time with Fahy. He was back to his old form. Although he only beat boys for failure at lessons, or leaving the yard without permission, or when one of his pets told him something. Fahy hated to see anyone from his school speaking to one of the other Brothers or teachers. Even to play hand-ball with one of the masters, or to do a message for anyone, he immensely disliked what he called shaping or ‘acting the man’.

  He disliked anyone with spirit or guts. Smoking was a serious crime and carried a severe penalty. As well as being beaten the offender would be made to stand for hours in one position. I know a lad who had to stand all day on the terrace on a Sunday. Another boy who had one leg was made to walk around the square all day. The boys usually smoked in the lavatory and a spy was always there to give information. Fahy did not like to see anyone wearing anything out of the ordinary. A few of the boys whose parents were not too poor may have a cap or a tie sent to them. He did not like them to wear it. He was against fancy haircuts, everybody must get their hair cut completely off except a little at the front. The only exception to the short haircut was the band, because they had to appear in public. One of the band boys told me that when they were on tour last year to Clifden to play at a band concert in aid of our new Church, Brother Fahy asked his girlfriend Lydon O’Neill what she thought of the lads, and she answered saying that ‘they looked like a bunch of convicts with their bald heads�
��. Fahy was of course very upset because he himself had cut their hair. So ever since he gives them a ‘fancy’ hair cut and makes them use hair oil before going on tour. He also bought a comb which they use.

  Miss Lydon O’Neill from Clifden has great influence on Fahy. He never takes her into the school unless the superior is on holiday. But he often meets her on the main road, and they drive away together. Brother Fahy wears very expensive clothes and boots. He does not get them made in our own workshops but has them made specially in Dublin. He sent a suit to the tailor’s to be pressed recently, and Lydon our boss, said that it must have cost a lot of money, it was not the plain black the brothers usually wear but Herringbone. His boots also looked very expensive. He carried a beautiful watch, which was of white gold. He said it was a present from his old school Artane. The boys in his school are always happy when his girlfriend calls because he does not beat them for several days after.

  It’s now January 1928 and the weather is much colder. Most of the younger lads have chilblains again and their hands are swollen and many of them are broken and are just a mass of running sores. Brother Keegan has now bought ten rolls of the very heavy material ‘frieze’ and has ordered a warm jacket for all the boys in the school. I have now got chilblains in spite of the fact that I take cod liver oil every day. We have now taken down all the Christmas holly and other decorations and the place looks lonely and empty. There is now the awful depression that existed before. Every one hates to see the holly go into the fire. Brother Conway said that if we leave the decorations up after a certain date it may bring us bad luck.

  There is now a change over in ‘serve’ duties in the Refectory. During dinnertime our numbers were called out, and my number 151 has been called. The length of this duty can be any time from three weeks to three months. We must report to the kitchen five minutes before the whistle blows for meals. We draw the food and serve it to the fourteen lads on our table. After meals we remain behind and carry out the washing up duties. The boys on serve with me are Tommy Gordon, Matt Feerick, Martin Mullins, the two Giblins, John Power, Joe Baker, Tommy Berry, John Coyne, ‘Sharkey’ Murtaugh, the two McLoughlins, Tom Thornton, the boy with one leg, and many others. Our first job was to carry all the dishes to the scullery and then get a bucket of warm water from the boiler. My brother Jack and Stapleton washed all the dishes and trays, and also the ladles. We were responsible for washing the mugs and knives and forks and spoons. We then washed down the table and the forms. The floor was then swept, each two were responsible for the part of floor under their own table. The dirt was swept to the centre of the floor. The centre was swept by a different person each day in turn. We then washed under our own tables, by soaking a cloth in water, and just wiping the floor which was tiled with red and white tiles. Then one boy from each table washed the centre of the floor twice a week or whenever Brother Vale told us. We scrubbed the floor on our hands and knees with a brush and soap and water. In this case all the tables had to be shifted to one end and then the other. It was whilst this work was being done that we were severely beaten from behind. As we were in line on hands and knees, we were flogged on the backside with the rubber. We must continue to wash the floor, and not stop or even look up. If we did not cry or scream we would only get a few blows but on the other hand, if we showed any sign of fear the punishment would be very much greater, and should any boy jump up from the pain of the blows, it was just agony even to watch the result. When the floor was all washed and scrubbed it would be examined, and very often the same thing would be repeated all over again, and of course the same beating. It was awful to see the children trembling, their faces twitching, their faces were pale, drawn and haggard. Most of them were too terrified to cry. Murtaugh and John Coyne would make water on the floor when being beaten.

  When the tables were put back in their places we would line up to have the knives and forks examined. The forks were held in the left hand, the knives in the right. We went forward in single file. Vale would only examine the forks. Even though the forks had been washed in warm water they would not be clean enough, because as I found out after a long time it was small particles of fibre which came off the tea towel that were visible. After this inspection almost all were beaten, but this time only on the hands, five slaps on each hand. Vale now used a stick which he held in his left hand. The stick was used to keep the hand in the correct position, that is the stick was held under so that the boy’s hand would be kept up and not allowed to drop. It was St Patrick’s Day, which was also a day off from school, the work shops were also closed. It was just like Sunday except that we got a slice of cake or currant loaf plus the usual amount of bread for breakfast and the evening meal. After breakfast, Keegan brought us for a walk to Kylemore Abbey, which was occupied by French nuns. It was also a convent where young girls were looked after. There was a priest there also, who was well known in Letterfrack. He often came to the school to play hand ball with Fahy, and they usually played for a pound, but sometimes the stakes would be higher. The priest was about twenty-eight to thirty years old. A few days ago the Kylemore priest came round the school, it was purely an unofficial call. He visited our class for about fifteen minutes whilst we were at catechism. He asked several questions, some of which were not correctly answered. He then turned to Brother Conway and told him ‘he was not using the cane enough’. It was the first time I heard a priest speak of beating. Until then I imagined that a priest would not hurt anyone. Kylemore Abbey is a beautiful building high up on a hill. Quite close is the chapel which Keegan said had a copper roof, and there is a lovely waterfall close by. We remained on the road for half an hour before returning to school.

  A day or two later my brother Jack came running from the refectory and shouted that there had been an accident. Brother Vale fell from a ladder whilst he was working on the windows. He had fallen on to a table and fractured his leg. After Dr Lavelle arrived he was removed to Galway hospital where he remained for three months. During this time Brother Murphy who looked after the monastery looked after the kitchen as well. Vale returned just in time to go on his holidays, so that we had a very wonderful time for nearly four months. During the whole of this time we were allowed to talk at meals, and we were free to play what was called half loaves. The bread ration was one small loaf between four boys, so that no one was satisfied. We were always hungry, so we agreed to let one have half a loaf and the other half was divided between the other three. We would spin the knife around, and whoever the handle pointed to was entitled to the half loaf. The knife was made with a raised band in the centre so that it would make several complete rotations. Brother Vale outlawed the half loaf game, which was considered a very serious offence.

  I am now in third standard. Mr Griffin is the teacher. We stand round the blackboard for all subjects except writing and drawing. Mr Griffin sits on a high stool. It is common knowledge that Griffin is one of the most highly educated men in the country. Brother Byrne once said that Mr Griffin was too good a man for the position he held, he ought to have been a Lawyer or a Doctor. Mr Griffin was a very simple and a shy man. He always dressed in a plain blue suit with a cap to match. His pay was one pound a week, and he was a teacher at Letterfrack for more than forty years. It is said that he once taught the senior classes, but now he was getting old, he reads with the aid of a magnifying glass. He is always happy on Friday because it’s pay day, and he goes to the village for a few pints of stout, so that when he comes to school in the evening, we have an easy time. He tells us very funny stories. One story I can very well remember: Mr Griffin said, ‘when I came to this school, I was about twenty-three, and a good footballer. In those days many of the boys were seventeen and eighteen years old, because they were often sent back to the school from their first job and would then have to wait a year or eighteen months for another one. Sometimes they got very contrary, and would try to run the school their way. They usually made trouble during the holidays when most of the Christian Brothers were away. Three or four of them wo
uld pick on me on Friday or Saturday night. They would wait for me coming from the village and steal my blue cap. It often took me a whole hour to beat them one by one.’ Griffin mentioned two boys about seventeen who he had to fight several times. They were killed in the Boer War. Mr Griffin told us how the senior football teams always tried to get him on their side because he was a good goalkeeper. He told us about all the old tradesmen, who are now in Letterfrack, but were young lads forty years ago. Festy in the farmyard, Moran the blacksmith, Lydon the tailor, and Flanagan the shoemaker and so on.

  Brother Vale has now returned to the school. He is much quieter for the first two weeks. He seems to have changed, we are allowed to talk at meals some days. I am on ‘serve’ again. He sent for me yesterday and asked for my brother Jack, and I said he was now working on the farm, so Vale dismissed me by flicking his fingers. A new pair of trousers were made for Vale because his old trousers were cut up the leg by the doctor who treated him after the accident. Lydon asked me to take the new trousers to Brother Vale, but when I went to the kitchen to deliver them, he could not be found. So I asked Stapleton where he was and he replied, Vale always locked himself in the pantry for an hour every day in order to pray.

  It was now almost supper time, and Mr Griffin asked if we had any questions, he always said that at the end of each lesson. There was no teaching that evening. In fact he told us several stories and he sang a few verses of a song. I can’t remember the song now, only a few words which ran ‘O, it aint like it used to be, fifty years ago’. A boy called White put up his hand and asked a question, ‘Sir have you ever been married?’ Mr Griffin now jumped off the stool, and he looked annoyed. But the boy again asked the question. Mr Griffin got back on the stool again and very shyly told us that, shortly after he had finished college, he met a lovely girl about his own age and after meeting her several times she invited him to meet her parents. He promised that he would, and bought a new suit and cap for the occasion. When the day came he dressed up in his new suit, but was too nervous to meet her parents. That was the nearest he ever got to being married.